What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
