But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
