Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
