Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
