I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
