The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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