I'm really into asian looking animals
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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