while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
