I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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