Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
