I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
