well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
