No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
