I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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