and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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