Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
