Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
