I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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