based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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