No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
