He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
