I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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