Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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