i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I need a burrito and a hug.
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Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your penis caused this!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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