Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
