He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love you. Go after that dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
