Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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