cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
