A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
