dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize