Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My vagina is very pro this idea
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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