okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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