i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
