I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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