im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
