All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
