I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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