now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this boner is exhausting
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
