Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize