I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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