Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
