My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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