At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
