Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
