new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
