There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
