How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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