Is it normal to miss your booty call?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
