I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
