I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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