I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
