It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
