fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
