idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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