the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
