I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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