What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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