I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
