help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
