I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
