does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
