also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
