This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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