Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
