I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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