Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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