lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
