I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
