i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
