No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A bitchslap is in order.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
