My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i believe in u and ur pee
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
