If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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