Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it glows. i had to have it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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