we're chasing vodka with high fives
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
