I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
