My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Randomize
