I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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